Moving On

I am sitting at my desk in my room, surrounded by only somewhat organized chaos, deliberating what my next move is. Well, I guess in the grand scheme of things, I know what my next move is. I have recently accepted a position to be Area Coordinator (also often called "Resident Director") at my alma mater. I begin work in about a month, and couldn't be more excited. With this position comes a move from Boston to Hartford, and with this move comes a lot of sorting of belongings and purchasing of new furnishings and household items. And with this sorting, I am learning, comes a fair amount of angst on my part.

For example, I am going through several items that my mother so kindly shuffled back into my room for me to go through. In this pile, I find a small metal and wooden loom, meant for making beaded bracelets, originally a part of a kit given to me for Christmas from a dear family friend of ours who passed away a couple years ago. It looks like part of the loom is missing, although I can't really remember what parts it involved. I'm sure it would be a useful tool to someone, but I (a) know nothing about beading bracelets on a tiny loom, and (b) am not sure if the instructions are still somewhere in the house. In other words, the sweet loom is of no use to me. Why does it pain me to say that? And what do I do with it now? It seems to sad to put it in the trash and watch it get squished by the garbage truck tomorrow. Also in this pile is a sweet baby-doll bouncy seat, a couple rubber ducks (?), two wallets I used at one point years ago, and other odds and ends once important.

I am such a big fan of the simplistic lifestyle - keep your space uncluttered, filled with things that you love and are useful. However, 22 years of accumulating stuff from birthdays, Christmas, hand-me-downs, impulse buys, and other consumer-moments from before I came to love living simply, have resulted in a lot of STUFF! And what do I do with it now? I hate to see it go completely to waste. Would the Salvation Army even take an ambiguous tiny loom? It doesn't feel good to pawn stuff off on other people either. In high school, I volunteered at a Thrift Shop in Beverly for a couple months, and my position was to sort and price donations in the back room to put up for sale in the shop. I didn't like trying to figure out what to do with some old toaster over attachment any more than the person who dropped it off did.

In addition to not knowing what to do with these items, I also have a hard time becoming unattached to them. Admittedly, I probably wouldn't have noticed their absence were they to have disappeared from my room without my seeing. But the thought of actively getting rid of things I once loved or desired and which were thoughtfully given my friends and relatives is a little saddening. I really am such a tormented mix of my parents: my mother, who loves to get rid of clutter and simplify, and my father, who loves to surround himself with anything and everything that belongs to him, lest he someday need it (from the lock on the old garden gate to every sailing magazine he's ever gotten in the mail). Conversely, my mother is the disorganized one (but at least her mess is simple and useful?), while my dad's clutter looks like a library. Like my Godfather once said in a toast after my graduation from high school, "She is a perfect blend of her parents: Her mother's head isn't quite screwed on tight enough, and her dad's is screwed on a little too tight. She turned out just right."

But perhaps not just right, at least not just yet. At the very least, I have a lot more learning to to when it comes to handling my desire to not be wasteful or neglectful of things once dear to me and my desire to live simply and uninhibited by too many unneeded items (e.g., the tiny loom).

Like Thoreau said, "Simplify, simplify, simplify." But what did he do with all the stuff he already had before he decided to leave it all for a cabin in the woods? Craigslist?

I'm going to keep pushing forward in this quest to organize and pack, and I think the trick might be first determining what outlets are available (Salvation Army, thrift stores, consignment stores, and (sigh) the curb). And once those are decided, designating a big box or bag to each and just plowing through everything you've got. Keep, give away, throw out.

I'll let you know how it goes.

10 Ways to Go to New York on a Non-Existent Budget

Happy Thursday!

I am writing now from the little office of the apartment in Hartford where I am housesitting. Or dogsitting really. The little dog, an unbelieveably soft caramel and white Shih-Tzu, is prehaps one of the sweetest critters on the face of the earth. I love him. A lot. This is the third time that my boyfriend and I have looked after him and he never fails to meet our expectations of his lovability.

Anyway, this past weekend, my boyfriend and I went to New York to visit a few friends. As I have zero substantial income at this point, I decided it would be a good idea to plan a budget beforehand so that (a) we'd have some idea of what kind of expenses we'd have and (b) we could plan alternatives if needed in order to save some money. After careful planning, and lots of mental-notetaking during the trip, I have come up with the following list of ways in which to avoid going broke (or in my case, broker) on your trip to the city. Here it is:

#1) Decide whether it makes more sense to drive or take some form of public transportation. If you're coming from a city to the city, public transportation might be a great option. Peter Pan and Greyhound (I think they work together? I usually book with Greyhound and end up on a Peter Pan Bus...who knows), Mega Bus (which apparently has $1 deals if you catch them on time, check out the website), and my favorite, Lucky Star (only available from Boston to NY, and stops at the casinos but eventually gets you where you want to go...just don't get off the bus too early), are all nice bus options, many of which have wifi available. From Boston at least, the train is the most expensive, but maybe that's not true everywhere. There is a big 'however' here though. If you are traveling with a group (small enough to fit in someone's car) AND if you will be staying somewhere that has free parking (or maybe at least very cheap parking) you might want to consider driving. Which is what we did this weekend. About $40 in gas round trip, plus about $20 in tolls (ew, I hate those, especially some of the bridges which charge $8-$10 now!), ended up being less expensive than 2 round trip tickets on the bus. And it helped us be a little more flexible.

#2) Stay with a friend. If you don't have any friends in or directly around the city, go find some, because hotels costs are not to be believed. So bake some cookies or something and be a really good houseguest so they'll want to invite you back again.

#3) Make a list of the places you want to go, where they are, their hours, and what the entrance fees are (if applicable). This way, you can get an idea of where the places you are interested in seeing are located, helping you travel more efficiently and spend less time crossing the city on trains or rickshaws or however you've decided to move around. Putting this information on paper or a spreadsheet is also helpful for visualizing how much is costs to visit each place (and appreciate the ones that don't cost anything). In our case, we were interested in visiting The Cloisters in Tryon Park, and after looking up hours and other information, found that the $10 entrance fee there is also good for a same day visit to The Met. And who doesn't love a 2 for 1 deal?

#4) Get a rough idea of how much you'll be riding the subway and purchase a pass with the largest amount suitable to your needs. The MetroCards for NYC's subway give you a little extra depending on how much money you put on the pass (e.g., for a $10 card purchase, you get $1.50 extra, etc.). The more you put on the card, the more you get. Try not to put more than you'll need on there though, because the cards do expire after about a month or something. Lame, I know. Charlie Cards never expire.

#5) Use the subway, not cabs. Taking a cab is a really good way to fork over a lot of cash in return for a relatively boring and uneducational experience.

#6) Pack picnic lunches, snacks, and beverages. A surprisingly impressive money saver, I learned! Just think of how much you spend on meals on the go when wandering around a city with as many food options as New York! Packing sandwiches, drinks, cookies, trail mix, and whatever else you love to snack on is a great way to avoid those little expenses that add up quickly. Who doesn't want to snack in Central Park?

#7) Don't block the box. Because if you do, you'll get a $115 ticket, and that's no good for the budgeting.

#8) Think ahead and come prepared. If you can, avoid having to buy stuff (like a bottle of Advil, etc.) if you already have some you can bring with you just in case. Obviously this doesn't apply to everything, as there are a lot of things you can't forsee.

#9) Avoid bars. The kind you drink at, I mean. But probably also the kind you can get hurt walking into. If you really are craving a bar night, cut it down to onw night of the weekend. It can be just as much fun to get a bottle of wine and have a night in with friends at your friend's place (you remember, the friend you made who's place you're staying at?).

#10) Don't go shopping. Don't even tempt yourself. Remember, this is the list of tips for the person with the nonexistent budget. If you have money, please do go shopping. If you don't, it will just be torture. Go to the zoo instead (ooooo, monkeys!!).

A special treat for you...because I am still so calm today

Still not freaking out (several hours later)

I have misplaced a couple of important items (and I still don't have a job or a cookie, which I also really want right now), but I'm not freaking out at all. I just wanted to share that.

Starting to Get a Clue

Last night I was lying in bed for three hours before I was able to fall asleep. My mind was actually racing (what the heck, mind?!) thinking about everything from the day and every other thought that branched off each of those occurrences. When am I ever going to find a job? What have I been getting done with all these scheduleless days? Why didn't I use my free time to go to the gym twice today? I can't believe I forgot to use that LL Bean coupon before it expired. Are the things that make me angry these days at all legitimate or have I completely lost perspective? Why did my friend's sister un-friend me on facebook? Why does that even bother me? Is this just a phase I'm going through or am I actually losing my mind? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

Eventually, I must have thought myself into an exhausted oblivion and gone to sleep. But that wasn't much fun at all.

I've always been a pretty anxious person, but it's only lately that slight anxiety has turned into stress. I know that I am more than capable of telling myself to snap out of it - even when I was little and freaking out about something, I was always able to can it and move on...if I chose to do so. But increasingly, I find myself fueling my freak out fire, allowing myself to believe that if I'm not freaking out I'm not going to get anywhere. Like sometimes when I'm on an airplane and it gets turbulant, while I'm capable of not stressing out about it, I tell myself that I really need to be focusing on it and stressing out internally. Do I think that influences the situation? I guess I must. I should probably get over that. And it seems that that psychotic mantra of mine has permeated my current bohemian nomad lifestyle. Yes, you're unemployed. Yes, you should be applying to as many positions as you can and be getting your name and your resume out there. Yes, you have been doing that (8 cover letters from yesterday? SUBMITTED. Plus 4 today). Yes, even so, you have chunks of free time on your hands, the kind you always wish you had in high school and college when instead you were booked solid in half hour intervals. Yes, you could scrapbook or read or learn to knit or go for walks around the beautiful city or relax. But do you? No. And why not? Because I don't have a job or a path or a schedule or a plan and I am very busy STRESSING OUT OVER THAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

So now is when I've decided that will stop. As long as I'm doing everything I can to keep things moving forward (my current trend of 3-8 job applications a day should cover that...), I am going to allow myself to chill out in the down time. I am going to window shop on Charles Street, craft, send letters, maybe even watch a movie! It must be a symptom of my Catholicism that I feel undeserving of having fun when I don't feel like I'm working hard. I love and am very thankful for my faith and the community it was fostered in...but I can see how I might develop these kinds of thinking patterns. But it's my own fault really. My Catholic high school's motto was "Courage and Confidence," not "Stress and Deprivation".

So how am I going to remember to forget this silly must-be-stressed-to-survive ideal? I thought maybe some physical reminder, like a string around my finger. Or maybe a silly little ring to keep on my hand and see all the time. Maybe that's what I'll do. I can spare a few dollars for some costume jewelry that might keep me from shaving years off my life from needless stress. I'm not drowning in debt. I'm not actually homeless. So maybe I can't drive, but I'm going to fix that. And yes, I dislike being all over the place and living our of a suitcase for a large percentage of the time these days, but that's not permanent and I am doing things to try and change that.

I wish I could remember exactly what Gerrison Keillor said last weekend on A Prairie Home Companion last weekend, but it was something along the lines of how life expectancy increases dramatically in times of economic uncertainty (specifically maybe he said when unemployment rates are up). Isn't that strange? Wouldn't you think people get more stressed out about finding work or money or anything else to worry about during difficult financial times? Keillor's point was that people are less stressed because they're not rushing all over the place working on a million things. I don't know how accurate that is, but it did get me thinking.

That's all for now - off to look for a ring or something.

About nothing, really...

Well, so much for an interesting experience to blog about 2 weeks ago... I am sitting in my favorite Starbucks not far from my house, where I like to go to get work done (or to work on job and graduate school applications). I usually buy a coffee or a frappuccino (yum!) and sometimes even a cookie (extra yum!), and claim one of the tiny tables to sit at for a few hours. Usually, the nice baristas give me a smile when I come in, knowing that I plan to be there for at least the next 4 hours. Today, none of my barista friends were working (where have they gone?), and instead the nice young lady behind the counter gave me a receipt with a survey to take and get a free beverage on my next visit! How exciting.

Anyway, I currently really want to get one of the delicious chocolate-chocolate-chip cookies, but am 30 cents short. Or, I was 30 cents short until I found 12 cents on the windowsill next to me. I am now secretly scanning the floor for another 18 cents so I can afford my cookie without having to use my debit card. We'll see how that goes.

The reason I came to my little coffee haven today was so that I would (a) leave the house, and (b) start and finish 8 cover letters for 8 different positions I am applying for. My motivation to do this is almost nonexistent. I am somewhat glad that I haven't kept better track of the number of cover letters I've written, resumes I've tweaked, online applications I've filled out, and overall positions I've applied for, because I think the number might depress me (and maybe even you). It's somewhere in the 60s. But I figure now, if I put on my darling little blog that I am going to write 8 cover letters, I better do it, right? I can't lie to the Interwebs. Anyway, enough with that, the cookie story is enough sad for one blog post.

Anyway, I better get back to those cover letters. I wish I had something interesting to say, but it seems I am at a loss. Hopefully something blogworthy soon.

Goals

Tonight, a friend of mine told me that she'd read somewhere that people who write down their long-term goals are significantly more likely to accomplish them. So that's one of my projects for tomorrow: write down my long term goals. I don't know if my lovely little blog is the right place for these kinds of goals (although I do find it useful to write down the short term stuff on here!), so I think I'll put them in a paper journal so that it's a little more concrete.

That's all for now - I'll try to have some interesting experiences to share tomorrow.